I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize