took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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