Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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