i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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