If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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