My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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