Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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