I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
