im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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