Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
