I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hippo gnu deer
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
