I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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