There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
