nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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