This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
