I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
