I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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