"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
