Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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