Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
