you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
