when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
