Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
