Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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