Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
