All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
