So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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