Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
