i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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