if i died would you start the facebook group?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
