I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
