Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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