Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Randomize
