My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
