Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I touched a dick in church today
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
