Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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