Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
