"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
