dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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