I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
