Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
