this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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