The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You don't make any sense
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