I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
