he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
