After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
