Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
