Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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