I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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