Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
