Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
