I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
