I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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