i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
