he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
