she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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