i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
tell me about the eggs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
