I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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