I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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