His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
