his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
