I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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