I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize