if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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