I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
