this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
