Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I will be naked everywhere
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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