after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
