dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
