Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
even my farts smell like vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
