Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
did i just pee glitter
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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