trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
