You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
